January 3, 2014
Today I am going to say goodbye to my Grandma. Actually I already had the chance to say goodby to her in person in the hospital before Christmas. It was really hard to say goodbye to someone living that knows they are dying. She was in a solid state of mine and she was a nurse herself so she knew exactly what was going on. She told me I would always be her darling and that she loved me and I told her the same, we hugged extra long and then I had to go. A week later she left this world. She has been around for my 35 years on this earth and I just sort of thought she would never leave. I have not been to a funeral for many many years so we will see how this will go.
The above picture was taken in May of this year right after I had Tucker and I clearly remember NOT wanting this picture taken. I felt so fat, uncomfortable and yucky but it was important to her so I did it and now I have no regrets. The sad thing is I still feel its an awful picture of me and I see nothing but my flaws and a beautiful Grandma beside me. It is a time for a nnew beginning of loving myself and not looking for the bad but seeing the good and not hiding from creating memories with me in them!